It’s true what parents ahead of me have said. Time goes by fast. Often a new parent would hear, “enjoy every moment”, or “it’ll be quick”.
After a year of having my son, it is really difficult to imagine that time really just flew by. And now I am among those who can attest to the cliche, sharing the same thoughts with new parents, especially to mothers, who may be feeling a little anxious instead of excited about their new norm.
So in this article, I’ll be sharing with you some insights on how you can better manage your situation and cope with the struggles you may be undergoing so you can be truly present in feeling the gift of motherhood.
First, say hello to Matrescence
Just like any life transition, things can be difficult. Career change, moving houses, divorce, getting into college are some examples. But imagine getting into a different phase in your life matched with physical, physiological, and psychological changes. That’s way tougher.
We are all familiar with puberty/pubescence, I am sure. That awkward stage where body changes happen as you move from being young to pre-adult. Take those changes ten notches higher. That’s how matrescence feels like to budding mothers. It is the transformation of a woman in all aspects as she accommodates life within and then rears the same life outside.
Understanding that this is but a natural process for mothers, trust that what you’re feeling is normal. And like any other phase, it will end. It just needs to be recognized and accepted. Knowing that you are not the only one feeling the anxiety of this transition hopefully goes a long way toward helping you accept and handle this potentially tumultuous period in your life.
Pray and act in faith
When I gave birth, staying at home, in the beginning, wasn’t so bad. But after the first 2 months, that’s when agitation kicked in. The conflicting feelings of wanting to be hands-on with my child and the excitement to get back to my old routine before pregnancy was very overwhelming. I am thankful it wasn’t any worse. But nonetheless, it is an internal issue that I had to manage, and fight.
Whenever I would feel lost, the very first thing I do is pray. I ask for that peace to calm me down. In this mode, my faith makes it clear to me what a blessing it is to be a mom. Though it is full of difficulties, all challenges are necessary to fortify my being a parent. Calling out in faith strengthens the belief in my heart that where I am is where I ought to be. My imaginings of a better or easier situation will be exceeded way better by what is coming. Through prayers, I allow myself to be taken care of by God who is greater than all things.
Breathe in, Breathe out
As a yoga instructor, conscious breathing has become part of my life. When certain situations bother me, I try to just breathe deeply and take time to slow down, thereby making me think better, and act better. Though I may have lost my cool on other occasions, for the most part, it works. By breathing and letting yourself not react right away, the situation almost always turns out to be better. You realize that there may not be a problem to begin with.
Talk to your husband, family, and friends
Most of the time, being a good mother is not always about dealing with things on your own, and figuring things out by yourself. Being a good parent is also about asking for perspective. By opening up to someone close to you, may it be your husband, a family or a friend, you are allowing yourself to grow by appreciating another’s experience, lesson, ideas, and taking what you can to be better.
By merely having someone who can listen helps immensely to unload thoughts that just needed to be spoken. Hearing yourself speak your thoughts out loud gives you a different realization and can spark ideas within you to address concerns.
Seek medical help
If you feel that talking to people close to you does not help, maybe someone absolutely different or unknown would. But be smart about it. If you are considering this, at least, choose a doctor. Technically a stranger, but bound by professionalism and expertise, a qualified medical specialist can assess your thoughts and assist on your thinking processes.
Look at grown children, look at yourself
When you get the chance, look at other kids. You will realize, they grow up too. They will get older and will be less dependent, and eventually, will be on their own. They wouldn’t be needing any help. They wouldn’t be needed to be put to sleep, or to be bathed. They will walk, talk, and eat on their own. And someday, they will have their lives of their own separate from their parents. Like how you are with your own parents.
So take time to realize that the cycle of life is with stages that start and end. Each phase has its own challenges meant to make us better for the next until the final curtain is hung.
So I encourage you, new moms, to truly enjoy every moment as they happen. Embrace the difficulties as warmly as how you would the joys. Because time goes by so fast. It will shift sooner than you think. And when you look back, the struggles that felt insurmountable were the very best things that defined your strength as a mother, and the very foundation that held your children’s lives together.
Been there, done that with motherhood? Share with us your insights and help out new moms in our community by commenting below.