Getting into a life as a second wife is definitely an unexpected role to have. Growing up, of course, my family imaginings is of the convention. But little did I know, God had a different path for me, and I am thankful He did.
Dating my husband then happened with so much ease. Enjoying each other’s company was never a question. We always had something to talk about because of common interests, and mutual appreciation of differences and independence. Honesty and sincerity also played a crucial part in building our connection. All other values we hold important, on its own, fell in place as our relationship furthered on. Most importantly, nobody pulls off jokes like he does, undoubtedly making me say “yes” when he proposed.
And all these took place with full awareness of the bigger context of him being divorced with kids. Initially, neither of us didn’t want to get ahead of ourselves so as not to compromise the natural unfolding of our relationship. On my end, it was a conscious decision to let our love flourish without inhibitions. Focusing on him allowed me to see the man of character that he is. Deciding to do so made it easier for me to love and look beyond the whole situation.
Whenever I would hear “how is it to be a second wife”, I truly think it shouldn’t be asked from a preconceived notion of negativity. Like it is so much of unusual and perpetual challenge that must be overcome every time. We have to remember, every relationship is as precious as any. As long as the foundation is sincerity, fidelity, and respect, it is to be celebrated with much value and harmony.
All of us come from different backgrounds. Some with exes, others with sickness, some with debt. It differs from one another, but it is all about backstories that make us who we are. We all have gone through crises in our lives, and for sure the future won’t spare us with some more. But it is with these stories that we build ourselves to the best version possible.
For those on the same boat reading this, where you are is a choice, first and foremost. Accept that the situation is obviously different from the conventional, thus, givens would naturally be incomparable. Avoiding unnecessary comparison will detach you from giving labels, judgement, and stress.
Remember, you are a partner/wife to your boyfriend/husband before anything, and loving him unconditionally includes loving all of him. And same must be reciprocated. Fully understanding this means the ups and the downs, joys and pains must be addressed as a unit, like how it should be for any couple of any category. And eventually you will find that the relationship you have should never have been feared, avoided or compromised, but embraced with much passion and dignity.
As life unfolded with this surprise, God has definitely found a way to bless me with a man of experience and maturity, who has become a source of wisdom, love, and laughter. And I cannot be more grateful to spend my days with him and be called his wife.
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